Down the road

There are days when I think about: if someone would follow my life 24/7 I can promise he/she would never ever get bored. Also being in my head would be cool, but you would totally get lost in two seconds. It's a mess in there. In here.

And in that mess I figured out I really like similes and metaphors. I thought about another one for life.

You need to be a good catcher, to catch the good things life throws at you. You also need to be excellent at dodging, because sometimes life freaking shoots missiles at your face. Or bricks fall down the sky and hit you, however you wanna see it.

If you stop and think about it, you can even see a pattern at some point. Some days I'm like: oh my gosh life is so exciting and beautiful and the sun is shining. Then some other days I'm like: I think my guardian angel drinks,  why so much drama, leave me alone, I just want to nap. 

But it's OK, I mean, a road is never always straight and flat, is it? And down this road, who cares shows up, who cares stays, who cares tries, who cares about you doesn't hang up the phone until you are in a better mood. Who cares lets you know, and if they don't, then maybe they don't care enough.

You need to be around people who bring you energy, surround yourself with people who make you feel understood and listen to you.

After all, a sunflower never grows alone.

Quote of the post: 

 "I was waiting for something extraordinary to happen but as the years wasted on nothing ever did unless I caused it."

                                                                      - Charles Bukowski

My turn to write.

Sometimes it's like I can't even stop it. I need to write it down.
Last night I was working on a business report, and then this happened.

 ⁕

I guess life is a bit like walking the wire

What makes you fall?

Can you keep the balance?

Can you focus?

Looking back doesn’t help

What’s your next step going to be?

Who catches you if you fall?
Or better, 'when' you fall

The world would be made of a million wires

All criss-crossing one another

Some closer, some further

Some for seconds, some for years

Sometimes we even hold hands not to fall

Balancing each other out

⁕

What if I fall? What if you fly?

On my list of best feelings in the world there is "flying", which I only experienced by plane so far, but still. Taking the plane is an adventure, it was a super epic thing when I was little and it still is exciting now.

When I was a little kid I remember taking the plane to go somewhere on vacation as one of the best things of the whole trip, didn't matter where we were going.
First of all, the way from our home to the airport for me was like a mini road trip with stops at the auto-grill and sleeping with my pillow in the car. Then I felt like such a grown up having breakfast at the airport with cappuccino and croissant. Less 'grown up' but so much fun was also running around that magical place where everyone had a suitcase with wheels and I could even just jump on our big one and being carried by my dad.
The moment we finally stepped into the plane I couldn't wait for the takeoff (and for the hostess to get me and any other children on the flight a coloring book). My mum taught me that usually when the plane is ready on the runway it takes almost exactly ten second to take off, so we used to count out loud and hold hands until we left the ground. I still do it in my mind every time.
Until there, everything was always great, but after a while (for the first let's say 10 years of my life) I started feeling really airsick, with nausea and headache. At that point my mum would pull out one of the few plastic bags she always carried when we traveled, and yes as moms do she would hold it for me while I gracefully (of course) threw up all the breakfast I just had. Lovely, I know. I have to say tho, after I was done and didn't have anything else to throw up in my stomach, I enjoyed the flight looking out of my window and dreaming. My poor mum trying to get rid of the vomit bag.
In all of this my dad was always sleeping, he has that superpower, before the plane takes off he's already asleep, as soon as his head touches the seat he's out. I wish I was like that, but I'm the exact opposite. I stayed awake even when I flew from Europe to America and back, it's like 12 hours, half of them spent thinking "There is no way I am taking another 12 hours flight without any sleeping pills" and watching other people falling asleep. When we landed my dad would simply woke and ask "Are we here already?", and I would and will always be like "Seriously dad how do you do it?".

And then my sister came, and the Who's Getting The Window Seat War began, kinda like the Bunk Beds War. We both wanted to have the window seat and seat next to my mum. Fortunately before we killed each other mom would wisely say "You'll take turns". So we took turns.

Now I'm older, I mean still young but older than I was, I don't get airsick anymore, but every time I take the plane I still have that feeling of wowIamflyingsocool and every time I check-in I still hope to get a window seat.

Besides a few normal inconveniences, I loved flying, I love flying. I like it because it's a moment in which you can take a break from reality and the outside world, enjoying the view and if you are lucky have a talk with your neighbor passenger. Unless you're stuck in the middle of two annoying people, or next to a child, or in front of a child, or actually anywhere near a child. I also read that the plane is the second safest transportation, it's just that I never really got the life jacket under the seat thing.

Quote of the post: 

 "If you never go, you will never know."

                                                                      - Anonymous

P.S. Feel free to leave a comment and/or ask anything!

My turn to write.

In the end
we're just a bunch of people
trying to be understood,
when instead
we should try
to understand each other.

When September comes

September is the new January.
Let's be honest this is nothing new, at least for me September has always been my January, with the new school year and the end of the summer. You know exactly what I mean if you were on vacation and just came back to start again with high school, university or work.
It's that time of the year when everything goes back to how it was before you left. Materially speaking, because of course I'm not the same same and so are you.
Last year at the end of August a big adventure started, so everything changed, and almost exactly a year after I feel like I made the right decision. I have to say I can't wait for the many more adventures awaiting.
This year was the first one "on my own", not completely and recklessly on my own, I mean living far from home and figuring out life myself. Thrilling. This summer I decided to spend some time working in order to be able to go on vacation the whole month of August. I went to Rome to my best friend, visited a friend in the Dolomites, then to the mountains to my family and finally I flew to Barcelona. I've been waiting to visit the city forever. Actually not really forever, but at least since I was 15, when I started reading Zafon's books (novels taking place in Barcelona). During my staying there I walked through the city and discovered all the places I remembered from his books, and it was great. I also fully experienced how cool hostel life is, so many people from different parts of the world with many stories to tell.
This year I did so much (and a lot happened), traveled so much, learnt so much and understood that I still have a long way to go, but I'm all ready to go for it.

It's so funny when people ask me 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years?', and I reply, 'I don't even know what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow morning.' This to say that 5 years ago I would have never even imagined to be where I am right now. Some says life takes you where you're supposed to go, and that eventually you'll end up where you're meant to be. Well, I think it's mostly what we decide, what we choose, what we pursue, and what we do that takes us places or situations. Of course there is always going to be the feared Random Variable Of Life, but what is life without a little chaos, little risk and little surprise? There would be no feeling of fulfillment, achievement, accomplishment. No one likes the Random Variable, but we might just as well accept it, because it's not going away.
Life can hit you hard and make you fall, but it can also surprise you and leave you speechless. Isn't it what we all strive for?
Let's take travelling as example. Why do I like to travel so much? I think I finally figured it out. In the end it is to get to those five seconds of holding my breath in front of something new and marvelous. When I finally entered the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona and stared speechless for solid ten minutes at the sealing and those giant windows, I knew it was one of those moments I strive for. The feeling of breathtaking and the reminder that I am so small in this big world.

What happens when you finally get on the top of that enormous mountain you decided to climb? I'll leave the answer to you, and if you haven't reached the top of a mountain yet, well what are you waiting for?

Quote of the post: 

 "What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does."

                                                                      - J.K. Rowling

P.S. Feel free to leave a comment and ask anything!

Up to you

My turn to write.

So if I see a shooting star, can I make a wish?
Sure you can. You can wish for whatever you want, but in the end it's up to you to turn that wish into reality.

Your way

My turn to write.

I've always heard people saying when things don't go right you go left.
It's a "saying", something "cool" you stick on your bedroom wall. Well if choices and life would be just matters of directions most problems wouldn't even exist.
Truth is, there is no right or left, as there's no black or white. It's all fucking grey my dears, so make decisions, take chances, take risks, fall down and come back up.

Sparkles

My turn to write.

We live of expectations
Of what is going to be
And when it finally is
Sometimes we lose ourselves
We lose that moment
We were waiting for.
It's hard
To catch the sparkle.

Bye Bye Teens

In a week I'm turning 20. Which means that I already lived more or less a quarter of my life. It's a lot if you think about it. I obviously do.
There are moments in which I am so positive and enthusiast about life that all I want to do is to put that energy into a bottle, to use it when I feel down. How cool would that be?  Whenever you feel demotivated or sad, you could just open the cupboard and take a sip from your magical bottle filled with ImsohappyIcouldrunamarathon kind of drink. I know I know, I am such a dreamer.

Unfortunately that cannot be done, at least not yet. What happens though, is that for every bad thing or sad moment in life, there is always something that comes later and makes you smile again. Prove me wrong if you think differently.
It can't always go well, we encounter challenges that make us  grow and learn. Ok, sometimes life just happens and you can't do anything about it; but it is always your choice to decide from which perspective to see things. To stand up to obstacles and overcome them or stand still and let them stop you.

Today I'm writing something to remind myself what I wanted from life when I was still in my teen years.
- I want to see sunset and sunrise in the same day
- I want to walk barefoot on the North Sea beach
- I want to write a book
- I want to go to Barcelona
- I want to watch the stars and talk my heart out as many times as I can
- I want to never stop traveling and falling in love with new places
- I want to read as many books as I can
- I want to fall in love multiple times
- I want to make the best of all the crap that will happen to me
- I want to keep being friend with my best friends til death do us part
- I want to never ever give up
- I want to surround myself with people who bring me happiness, energy and light
- I want to keep making my parents proud of what I become
- I want to be an inspiration for my little sister
- I want to climb the Machu Picchu in Peru' and scream from the top of it
- I want to make a change in someone's life
- I want to take as many opportunities and chances as life throws at me, knowing that there are not second chances, there might be similar opportunities, but circumstances will never be the same
- I want to always remember that life is tough, but so am I

And I could go on and on for pages.

I don't know what life has planned for me, actually I don't even think there is a plan, it is probably all about the choices we made. What I know is that I want to live my life as fully as I can. It's my story, so it's up to me to write it.

The Carpe Diem phrase has always been part of my philosophy, to make the most out of a moment. My grandpa used to tell me that when I was little (together with other hundreds of Latin or dialect phrases or words), but just in the past few year I found myself actually recognizing the true meaning of those two words. It is probably the reason way sometimes I just silently think about the situation I am in in that precise moment. Carpe Diem is like taking a mental self picture and record all what you are feeling and doing in just a few seconds.
Maybe it is different for everyone, or maybe you feel it too.
It's one of my favorite feelings out of all I experienced so far.

Quote of the post: 

 "Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground."

                                                                      - Theodore Roosevelt

   

6 possible things

Sometimes when I have too many thoughts I just need to sit down and put them down in writing. It helps a ton.
I use to think about six impossible things that are not impossible anymore before breakfast. In those moments when you are half asleep, still all tackled up in your bed sheets, and you just don't want to get up. Not yet.

1. Live in another country
2. Get a job
3. Get out of high school
4. Have my own double bed
5. Study what I like
6. Study it in English

Sometimes I start the day reminding myself what I achieved so far, some things are small, like having my big bed so I can sleep like a starfish, others were a bit more challenging to accomplish, and some of them are still a work in progress, but not impossible anymore.
If there's something I understood about me so far, is that I like, even love sometimes, impossible and different things. It's always been like that. Maybe because I'm curious, maybe because I find them interesting, or maybe just because I am determinate to make them become possible.

We spend pretty much of our life trying to find our place in the world and trying to understand who we really are, what we like, what we don't like. And growing up we change; if you stop for a moment, close your eyes and picture yourself five years ago, you'll be incredibly surprised by how different things were. Something you would have thought impossible became real, some people left, some new people came in your life. We are, I am, the result of everything that happened to me, the result of all the people I met in my life. Someone barely touched me, someone hurt me, someone made me understand important things, others shared with me the best moments.
Impossible things require time, effort, friends, family, even counterparts, intention and action. Until one day it's done. Until one day you realize where you are standing, where you stood, and where do you wanna stand tomorrow or in five years
If you look at it closer, even the word says "I'm possible".

Quote of the post:           "Don't be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try."

Housing situation

The best tip I can give to someone coming to study here in Amsterdam: it is never too early to start looking for a house or a room. It takes time, a very long time, but it's not impossible.

My experience? Let's go back to last year.

I properly started looking for a place to stay around March 2018, when I got accepted at the university, which provides you with multiple leaflets full of links and ways to look for accommodation. Wow so nice of them! Well, the problem is that the housing situation in Amsterdam is absolutely crazy, nuts, bananas, insane.
Just to give you an idea, the rent for a room in the city center is around 1000 euros, and most of the times it's not even big enough to fit a double bed. Prices go down a bit in other neighborhoods, but it is still a lot compared to many other big cities in Europe.
In Amsterdam there are so many students, and it is ridiculous that universities are not offering more campuses and dorms to provide some help to the thousands of new young and inexperienced people coming here every year, desperately looking for a shelter that does't cost them to sell their own organs. Actually every months, because there are also all the exchange, master and internship students.
This said, I have to admit that I did receive some help from HvA at the beginning. After having emailed a bunch of staff people of my new uni about housing options and waiting lists and so on, finally in July I got an offer. The Bijlmer Towers, a formal prison never used for lack of prisoners in the country. Honestly I was a bit uncertain, I couldn't find any pictures of the place and even on google maps the location didn't show up. But the school guaranteed for it to be the perfect place for upcoming students who hadn't find a place yet, and it was also very cheap for the standards. Moreover, it was first come first serve policy, so I just applied for it right away, because I knew that I wasn't going to find any other place since I wasn't there yet to go see them.
Who is renting a room or a house wants to meet the new tenant in person before signing everything (obviously), that's why is also more difficult for first year students who are moving in just before school starts at the end of August. It wasn't like I could just take a plane every week to go to viewings in the Netherlands.
It was with enormous excitement that I went with my mum to pick up the keys on the 22nd of August. She helped me moving, and was waaay less shocked than I was when we saw the actual place.
My first thought was: "My gosh Emma breathe it is going to be fine you just have to stay here for 5 months you can do it you are lucky you got this room please keep breathing inhale exhale and repeat". What can I say, the accommodation wasn't really accommodating.
Leaving the fact that the building in general was just so sad and grey and prison-like, my room wasn't any better. A 8 squared meters room with a small bad, a desk,a lamp and a chair, worst of all a window with bars that you couldn't open. I kid you not. The positive thing was that at least I had a small private "en-suite" bathroom (toilet and sink), counterbalanced by the sharing of showers and kitchen with the other 11 floor mates.
What can I say, it was a weird experience, glad it's over. I'm not going to tell about the mold I sometimes found in kitchen pans or the lovely smell coming from the trash that no one ever bothered throwing away.
While I was there I kept searching another place through Facebook groups and websites. The prison contract was going to end in January, but I didn't even want to stay there that long.
During November and the first week of December I went to almost 15 viewings of different places, but there was always something that didn't work out: too young, don't speak any Dutch, too far from uni, too many people interested, too expensive...the list goes on and on.
In the end a friend of mine offered me a room at an affordable price, and even if it was a bit far from the city center I was ready to sign the contract. I didn't want to go back home in Italy at Christmas without having found anything, I knew my parents would pressure and stress me about it all day long, and I also didn't want to come back here in the prison place again in January.
Three days before signing that contract tho, I found an interesting ad on Kamernet, a website I've signed up weeks before but didn't have any luck with it. The post stated a big room was available from mid December in a fully renovated and furnished little house, the price was also in my budget, so I replied immediately!
That same day I went to see it; it wasn't finished yet but the location and project looked very good, the day after I was signing the rent contract and two weeks later I was moving in with all my stuff.
I now live with three other girls, one from Italy, one from Greece and one from Germany; housemates stories in another post.

It took me more than 5 months, but I found a little spot in this big city, my base camp. From here operations are directed, calls are made, meals are prepared, naps are taken. Does it feel like home? Not yet. Will it ever? Who knows.

Wanna know how to pack all of your belongings to move in less than two hours?
Contact me.

Quote of the post:

"One life. Just one. Why aren't we running like we are on fire towards our wildest dreams?"